Early in the school year my daughter had a little girl drama that was really hurtful to her and frustrating for me. There was a group of girls that decided they wanted to ignore her. The problem with this particular ostracizing was it was with girls on her softball team. It got so bad that she wanted to quit. I guided her as much as I could in dealing with the drama, but when she told me she wanted to quit, this Mama had to step in. I had to call the moms of those girls and get things straight. Things improved {a little} and she finished her season, but it left a scar that is tender.
Going through this first middle school issue with her reminded me how the journey in growing up is constantly with you.
Fast forward to a few weeks later…girl drama…AGAIN. However, it did not happen to my daughter. It happened to ME!! Here I am almost 40 years old and I have to deal with pettiness from another adult. I was stunned, hurt, and VERY irritated. You see, a long time ago I decided that I would not participate in pettiness and I don’t tolerate it well. Here’s the story…
First, the background: I have 3 of sister-in-laws. Two are married to my husband’s brothers. The oldest is not very kind to me and the younger is like my best friend. The other sister-in-law is my brother’s wife and because he is so much younger than me and we live in different states, I am still getting to know her.
I got a text from my younger sister-in-law. I have known this woman since she was in college and have really felt a closeness that I’m sure real sisters experience. The text mentioned something about some trips we had planned in the near future. It was an odd text and I asked some basic questions. The texts came back to me seeming a little more hostile so I told her that I would call her because I was a bit confused and did not want any misunderstandings because of texting. When I called I was shocked by the accusations that were suddenly thrown at me. I tried to stay calm and ask where all of the assumptions were coming from. When I tried to assuage the issue, I realized that my sister-in-law had already made up her mind that I was in the wrong. What hurt the most is I thought that this particular sister-in-law would never hurt me in this manner. You see, my older sister-in-law treats me in a disrespectful manner all the time.
Did I get angry? You bet! I could feel my cheeks get red and the bubbling of anger rise to the surface. I lost control of my temper and yelled at her for her lack of common sense. It was then that I realized that I am done. Done trying to reach out and build a relationship. Done being the scapegoat for their issues. Done being their whipping post. No one deserves the treatment I get from these women…so I’m done.
I cannot change what people think or feel about me. As much as I can try and reach out to these women and befriend them in a way they probably do not deserve, it usually bites me in the rear. I have to realize that there are MUCH deeper issues that they have to resolve on their own. I cannot change anyone, they must change themselves. I had a counselor long ago say to me you cannot change how people act, only how you respond.
I told my daughter that night that you think the girl drama ends when you become an adult, but it doesn’t. You just don’t have it as frequently.
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