How Much is Too Much?

My daughter is a social butterfly! It isn't too surprising seeing that her father is the exact same way. She LOVES to get involved and do things. Currently she is on a sports team {hopefully to end in the next two weeks} and the Future Business Leaders of America club at her school AND she goes to youth group. Not only does she have extra-curricular things, she is in the advanced classes at school. {Advanced means more work.} For the last four weeks they have been doing a project where they had to create a business and sell the product. The product she chose was cookies.

{Can you guess what we are doing tonight?}

When she is not doing something sport, school, or church related she likes to have sleepovers.

She is bright, ambitious, loving, and full of energy…but Mom is not {full of energy, that is}! I am sooooo grateful that she has the ability to organize and succeed in all her activities, but I am finding it all very wearing on me. I try soooo hard to get organized so that she is able to do the things she needs, but I also have another child in sports and a toddler. My only day off during the week where we have NOTHING planned is on Mondays {sure makes for long weekends}.

Now you'd think with my little rant I'm a single parent, but I'm not. The rub is that my wonderful, darling hubby is just as involved in activities as she is. I find it comical when he gets frustrated with all her activities. I finally had to point to him one day that he was getting huffy because it was interfering with his social schedule.
Looking back during that stage-of-life I did do a sport, but that was all. I went to a small private school that didn't offer a lot of club activities. I didn't do sleepovers because my parents were HIGHLY overprotective and did not trust too many people. They also worked a LOT and I had to be home helping with the chores and with my brother.

Did I resent it?

Yes, many times. I remember my 7^th grade year being the most depressing period of my life. I do not want any of that for her, but I want her to be able to balance her choices.

We have been working on figuring out what she enjoys most and what she can leave behind. So I wonder how much is too much? Is it when it's too much for the parent or the child?

Letting Go

Letting go and allowing your children to be apart from you can be a difficult task.  When my daughter was a little, energetic girl, I would welcome an offer of someone taking her for a few hours. Now that she is older, I am a bit more reluctant to have her go spend the day or night with a friend.

Why is that?

I guess I worry about her more.

When she was little, she would stay put in someone's home.  As a tween, she is off to the mall, games, and other activities where she is a passenger in someone else's vehicle.

I know it's a responsible adult driving and I know she is well supervised.  However, several years ago I was marked by the death of an 8 year old girl in our church.  My daughter was 3 at the time.  The little girl of the family was at a sleepover and the father was bringing her back home. It was a fluke accident.  The 8 year old girl and her friend were killed instantly.

I know I shouldn't worry.  Worrying does no good.  I need to trust that God is protecting her in all her activities.  I guess it's just hard to continue letting go as she gets older.

Sheesh...I can't even imagine what it will be like when she begins driving.  I better start praying now that I don't have a nervous breakdown in 4.5 years!

S-E-X

WARNING: This post is about S-E-X.  I do not want anyone to feel offended by anything mentioned in this post.  

I have to say out of all my years of being a mom, THIS topic was one of the most uncomfortable topics I ever had to explain to my daughter.

My mom never sat me down and explained the basics.  I don't even think she explained what periods were.  She let the school do that and then I figured the rest out from my friends.

Looking back,  I wonder if she did get through the embarrassment of talking sex with me, would I have viewed things differently?  Maybe...maybe not.  I may have felt more comfortable talking with her about things, but it was clearly communicated that that was a taboo subject in my home.

I decided that I did not want that for my daughter.  I wanted to be open and honest with her while making her feel like she could come to me with questions.

So what did I do?

She was 9 years old and I was pregnant  I took that opportunity to explain the basics.  And when I mean basic, I mean BASIC! I did not go into details of emotions, foreplay, orgasms or anything.  This is how I explained it:


ME: Since you are going into public school, I wanted to talk to you about something before you hear about it from your friends.


DD: O....kaaaaaaaaaay {with great uncertainty}.


ME:  Just to let you know, this is a very difficult thing to talk about because my mom never talked about it with me.  So I am a little uncomfortable, but I feel it's important that you hear the information from me.  You know how we talked awhile ago about periods and how God created girls? Well, I wanted to tell you how this baby was made {I was 7 mos pregnant during this conversation}. You know that boys have a penis, right?


DD: Yes. 


ME:  When a husband and wife are married, God gives them a wonderful gift called sex.  You have heard that word, right?


DD: Yes.


ME: The husband will put his penis in her vagina and then something called sperm comes out.  Sometimes the wife will have an egg and if the two meet, a baby is made. {Then I wait}


DD: {Silence}


ME: Do you have any questions about what I just told you?


DD: Sounds kinda gross.

ME:  It does sound gross.  But when you are married it is a great gift that God blesses a husband and wife. {Wait}

That is basically it.  I explain the very basic facts and then wait to answer questions.  Children do not need to hear about all the other things that go into a couple having sex.  I have emphasized with my daughter that we believe it's best to wait until marriage and that she can come to me at any time if she has any questions.

I also explain that because the topic is uncomfortable for me that she might have to give me a minute to collect my thoughts before answering her questions.  It was also important to tell her that she will hear her friends discuss it, but because they {I hope} do not have any experience in that area, they do not know what they are talking about.  I will know the truth so she should come to me whenever she hears something that is new.

No...you can't go to the bathroom!

Wow!  I'm such a mean mom.  I mean who would EVER tell their children they cannot go to the bathroom.  It might be just me.

Here's the scenario: we are in church and the pastor is speaking.  Every week I see at least a half dozen people who decide they have to get up to do something during the message.

IT DRIVES ME INSANE!!! 

Nothing is more distracting than people getting up while someone is talking.  It is disrupts my focus on what is being said and I know that the speaker notices as well.  What is even more frustrating is that most of those people getting up are kids!!

Today, my daughter whispers to me that she had to go to the bathroom.  I told her to wait. I am not going to be one of those parents that allows her children to get up whenever they want.  They will learn to respect the person talking and find an appropriate time to use the facilities.

Now I know there are some of you that are thinking, "What if she REALLY had to go?"  She actually had asked me a second time.  I told her that if she had to go that badly, she would have to spend the rest of the service in the lobby.  She decided it wasn't that urgent.

I called her bluff.  If it was an emergency she would have bolted.  I think we, as a society, have forgotten our manners when someone is speaking.  My goal in teaching my middle school girl is that everyone is to be respected including speakers on a stage. 

Ironically, when we picked up our other child from his class he had to use the bathroom.  Because he is younger, they have a bathroom available in the room.  When I asked him why he didn't go earlier he said, "I didn't want to leave in the middle and miss all the fun!"

That's my boy!

 

Why this blog?

Do you remember middle school? I do.  It was one of the first most difficult and emotional experiences of my life.  Changes in your body, changes in your friends, changes in your emotions... I'm not sure what boys go through, but for a girl it can be an emotionally turbulent period.

I survived...then...

However, now I am a mother of a Middle School girl and my husband thinks I may have to go on Xanax to survive!  The drama, the tears, the changes...I am reliving it again through my tween-age daughter. 

This blog is my experience of mothering through the emotion and guiding my young girl through the trials of middle school.  I'm sure there will be plenty of them.

I'm hoping that during this journey, I will find those that have gone down this road and help me along the way.  I also hope the moms that will soon follow will find some solutions as well.  Either way, mothering is a journey that is best done with friends.